A Hopeful Monday

Friday was an easier day, partly because:

1. Marta punched me in the face on Thursday and was suspended on Friday.
2. My colleagues cheered me up with fresh flowers and a Starbucks gift card (!!)

I'm hoping today goes well. I have a new student starting today (my second in one week!) and a new table arrangement that seems promising for keeping two particular first graders (who like to feed off each other) out of each other's eyesight. I also have a shiny new behavior plan for one of my first graders... with walkie talkies and everything!!

So there's hope. I'm still feeling overwhelmed though. I'm now responsible for 12 students... that's MORE THAN HALF of all the of the students in our hearing impaired program.

I want to be able to do this. Do this well!

student and teacher meltdowns

I'm having a hard time teaching in the morning. And by that I mean I have a collection of behavior issues in my first grade group that, when thrown in and mixed together, becomes this toxic poison.

Except this poison doesn't kill you, it just makes you want to retire from teaching at age 29.

I had four students in this group. I've recently added a fifth. On "Adam's" first day, Thing One argued with my every direction (or just flat out said "no"). Thing Two loves to feed off of Thing One and thought the whole thing was hysterical. Thing Two shut down when he got some sad face tally marks. Thing One laughed loud and long to show he didn't care about sad faces.

And Adam looked on.

When Thing Two didn't get his first choice of activity for Daily 5, he decided that the best solution was to hide under the table and intermittently shout "NO" .... for an hour! 

Folks, this exact same kind of behavior from those two students happened for THREE DAYS IN A ROW. For three days, Thing Two collapsed into a pile of refusal and I had to get another adult in there to entice him to move to his next class. Thing One continued to loudly protest every direction and every activity at every opportunity.

I did my best to teach despite it all.

I ended the week on Friday with Thing Two in full meltdown mode, yelling from his new hiding place:

Tell me ..... where can I hide from first grade?

'tis the season

No, no ... not for Christmas (despite what giant retail stores would like you to think). It's the season for teacher stress.

Every year, around week four or five or six, teachers start freaking out. We get overwhelmed with the new campus/district wide initiatives we're supposed to be implementing in our classrooms. We're struggling to get all of our students assessed. We're trying to get ready for parent/teacher conferences. We're still dealing with classroom management stuff. We're spending lots of time planning quality lessons. We're TIRED.

And in the midst of all of that, I crave peace and quiet so I can reflect on my year so far - what's working and what's not? What can I tweak to make things run more smoothly? It's this reflection time that gets lost in the shuffle when there are more important things to worry about.

If you're so overwhelmed that you can't remember your own name, I have some advice for you. Make a list of every single thing that's stressing you out in your classroom, as well as all the pressing things you need to get done. Then rewrite your list in order of priority: which items have deadlines? Which items directly impact student learning? Then tackle one at a time. The list will at least alleviate your need to keep it track of it all in your head.

Also? Go home early. Go to bed early. Take a weekend off from anything teacher related. A well rested teacher is a happy teacher. A happy teacher is an effective teacher!

Tell me ... how do you deal with stress?

Teacher = Miracle Worker

Yep. I'm about at that point where I take stock of the students on my caseload and the learning expectations, and declare that I'm expected to make miracles happen. I mean, how else am I going to get 5 kindergartners and 3 first graders who are at least a year behind grade level up to speed? 

It's easy to get overwhelmed - especially when you add all of the other pressures of teaching into the mix.

It's at times like these where I need to slow down and get back the right perspective. Twenty years down the road, my students are not going to remember if they mastered rhyming words in Kindergarten. They won't remember if they got all caught up by the end of the academic year.

But what they will remember? Me. 

Was I the stressed out teacher who didn't have time to smile? The teacher who gave them an endless stream of worksheet packets? The teacher who often raised her voice in frustration?

Or was I the teacher who showed them I cared? Did I smile and laugh and slow down enough to follow their tangents sometimes? Did I go the extra mile to make a dry curriculum fun and engaging? Did I let them know they were loved?

via

I'm still striving to be the caring teacher, as overwhelmed as I feel sometimes!!

new kid on the block

It's been a rough first week back from Spring Break. It was the usual "Oh-no-there's-eleven-more-weeks-to-go" slump, plus I got a new student.

Remember when I kept saying what an easy and great year it's been for me? Well, apparently I should have been knocking on more wood.

The new girl, "Tammy" has thrown quite a wrench into things. She's a nine year old second grader who came to our program because she's too high functioning for the multi-handicapped unit where she'd been placed this year.  The problem is that she's too low functioning for our program.

Tammy is a darling little girl with the most charming smile, but here are the issues I've been dealing with:

*Sometimes, she can only understand if you sign to her. This is an oral program and my knowledge of sign is limited.

*If I ask her a question, 90% of the time she'll answer me in "Spanish". I have to use quotation marks here because our Spanish-speaking aide can't understand her.

*She's a wanderer. One second she's at her seat, and the next she's going through my desk drawers.

*She's bossy and likes to tell the other kids what to do (Ha! Just like me!)

*She can only count to 14, and she knows 22 out of 26 letters of the alphabet. She can't write her letters yet.

So it seems that I have my work cut out for me! The sad truth is that our district is NOT providing her with an appropriate eduction: she would be very successful in a self-contained hearing impaired classroom (we're a mainstream program that pulls out for Language Arts). The problem is that the district doesn't provide that kind of program. They know they need it. There's just no money.

I wish I could tell mom to sue.

I really hate it when the educational system lets our kids down...

like driving blindfolded

I'd been hearing rumors about it for months.

My supervisor would say strange things like "Quick! Order whatever you want for your classroom NOW! There's not going to be any money for anything next year..."

The news was reporting that many Texas districts would have to drastically cut programs.

Then we got a cryptic email from our superintendent with the number of dollars we were going to have to cut for next year. It was in the billions. That's with a "b" folks!

Our superintendent told us:

"If we cut all school buses, if we stopped feeding the children, if we stopped using any electricity, or providing any school supplies, it STILL wouldn't be enough savings to make up the deficit."

All this to let us know that, um, nothing and no one is safe! We'll know more by July, and I'm not too nervous because I'm feeling all safe with my special education degree (for now!).

But the reality is going to be hard to swallow next year. Teachers will be let go. There will be bigger class sizes, fewer aides, and close to zero supplies. And the kicker? We'll be expected to teach just as effectively!

Drunk with power

As I was sitting behind my work computer finishing up IEPs and contemplating my ever-growing to-do list, I had an epiphany. At first I was just thinking: "I wish I could clone myself so I could get this all done faster and could leave before 5:30 today"

But then!

Then I remembered that I had twelve kids at my disposal who were ready to do my bidding at a moment's notice! So I worked my little army of elves to the bone today. I sat on my teacher stool, snapped my fingers, and gave orders left and right.

90 minutes worth of shredding? Done.
46 staples plied out of the wall? Done.
4 bulletin boards taken down with border neatly put away? Done.
8 desks cleaned out? Done.
12 piles of student work distributed to be sent home? Done, and done!

The servants kids were so excited to help, and I felt LOADS less stressed out. I even got to leave on time!!

Now if only I could bring them home and have them help me with my housework....


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This is what happens when you're knee-deep in IEPs

Yesterday, I had to take an online training for work. It was about writing IEP goals/objectives and writing the PLAAFP statement (Present Levels of Academic Achievement and Functional Performance). It was super relevant and helpful a colossal waste of my time. Truthfully, it was a little insulting.... because if you didn't understand the content of the training, you wouldn't be a special education teacher. It was like a good reader being made to learn the ABCs all over again.

Anyways, it got me to thinking about writing goals. Using the format I have to use for IEPs, what goals would I write for myself at this point in my life (as in, this week)? Here's what I came up with:

By the end of two weeks, given the 2006 Saturn Ion, Sarah will learn to drive a car with a manual transmission without grinding the gears in 9 out of 10 trials.

Within four days, given the "Encore" online IEP system, Sarah will finish two more IEPs and close seven more with 100% accuracy.

Within four days, given twelve hyper-active children, Sarah will end the school year gracefully without losing her mind for 3 out of the 4 days.

I'd like to come up for air, please

In an ironic twist of fate, our principal has generously allowed all of the teaching staff to leave at 3:15 instead of at 3:45, which is normally the rule. I would normally be jumping up and down with excitement, but when I tried I tripped over the the piles of paperwork needing my attention. So no leaving early for this teacher.

I've been busily writing and holding IEP meetings for my fifth graders transitioning to middle school. I've held six already this week and it's only Wednesday. I'm also in the middle of doing end-of-the year running records on all of my students. And we're in the midst of award assemblies and field days to top it all off.

So these days, I work through lunch, cross items off of my Master To-Do List only to add more on to it, walk really fast everywhere, and generally run around like a chicken with her head cut off.

The fact that the rest of my deaf-ed colleagues already have their classrooms packed up and materials ready for next year makes me want to scream for the hills....

June 4th can't come fast enough! Is your end of the school year this busy?

Number 5 has not been ruled out

What do you do when your behavior specialist and your special education compliance supervisor pay you an unexpected visit? What do you do when they pull you out of your classroom WHILE YOU'RE TEACHING and demand to meet right then and there? What do you do when they yell at you and personally attack you for 46 minutes (yes, I kept track)? What do you do when your behavior specialist twists facts around to make you look bad? What do you do when your special education compliance supervisor questions your training? What do you do when two "superiors" who LEGALLY have no say in a certain matter (since they are non-voting members of the IEP team) try to exert their will?

Well... when they l left and I had finally caught my breath and picked my jaw up off the floor, I was faced with a few options:

1. Call the superintendent and TELL ON THOSE MEANIES!
2. Throw something breakable.
3. File a grievance.
4. Pout.
5. Drown out the injustice in ice cream.
6. Find reassurance from my awesome colleagues that I don't deserve to be bullied.
7. Find their cars and slash their tires.
8. Feel smug knowing that I'm in the right and they can't do anything about the IEP team's decision.

What I actually did was send both of these bullies an email (and cc'd my principal):

Hello,

If you need to meet with me again at any time in the future, I will be happy to do so when you have scheduled an appointment, and with an administrator present.

Thank you.

It's unfortunate, really, that I'm a professional teacher (and a Christian one, at that!) and couldn't really do number 7. But I still might do number 3.

But mostly I just want the house, please

It's too bad that buying a house isn't like buying a shirt. With a shirt, you just pick out the one you like best, bring it to the cash register, and voila! Pay for it and go. With a house, it's more like: pick the one you like best, hold your breath till the offer is accepted, spend the next week knee-deep in paperwork, run up your cell phone minutes talking to the realtor and the mortgage lender, pack pack pack, clean clean clean, pray pray pray. And in the end, it might fall through anyway.

Of course, it doesn't help matters when the seller is being a jerk. Not only is she in the midst of what I can only assume to be a nasty divorce (aren't they all though?), she has actually sold the house twice before in the last month and both sales have fallen through. So she's been fighting her ex, she's been burned by two previous buyers, and she's making us pay for the sins of them all by rushing us along (and trying to rush the 75 other people involved in buying/selling a house).

I alternate between wanting to give her a hug and wanting to kick her in the pants.

70 x 7

We've been having some drama in the special education department recently among our staff. Things were said. Feelings were hurt. The situation was quickly careening out of control. In an effort to smooth everything over, our Dean of Intervention called for a meeting with all parties involved (including me) at 7:00 this morning. She talked about what "teamwork" meant and got input from each of us about what we needed to be a better team for a certain student that we all service.

She told us at the meeting that we need to leave the past in the past and to start to move forward. I applaud her efforts to reconcile the people involved. But it was like I was telling Max yesterday: "No one will be able to move forward unless they can truly forgive each other. And you can't make people forgive each other".

Then two separate incidents with the administration happened later on today which made me angry. It seems I've been angry often this month at the injustices of the education system. So angry, it keeps me up at night! One incident involved another proof that the administration wants nothing to do with our special education kiddos and would rather sweep them out the door off to another school. The other incident involved something professionally disrespectful said to my face.

The disrespect happened ten minutes before the end of the day. I scowled all the way to my room and thought about how doggone angry I was and how sick I was of just everything. I got into my car and thought about how I was so angry, I couldn't even move on....

Wait, move on?? Wasn't I just talking about moving on and forgiveness? And all of a sudden my own words were haunting me and I realized that the hard thing to do was the right thing to do: to forgive the administration. [Thankfully, the Lord makes the impossible possible!!]

There is a lot that is wrong with the educational system. It is B-R-O-K-E-N. There are thousands of injustices that happen to teachers and to students every day. And sometimes, it's hard to see past our long lists of grievances. So much of a teacher's job ends up being trying to shield our students from all that crap. And when it feels personal, the best (and hardest!) thing to do is to try and forgive and move on.

And to keep on forgiving and moving on...

Abridged for Your Sake

It's been a rough couple of days. There was a lot of drama today that was the result of some complicated events. I was too overwhelmed to even tell the hubby about it (you know, it's one of those stories that starts way back when two weeks ago, blah, blah, blah).

He cut me off at the beginning and told me to try to sum it up in two sentences. WHAT?! I told him that it was impossible, but he told me to try anyway, because "anything can be summed up in two sentences". After a few moments of reflection, I said: "One of my special ed. colleagues wasn't invited to a certain meeting and it hurt her feelings. It may have been partly my fault".

See? Not that hard. And I just saved all three of my readers a long boring story... so, you're welcome!

P.S: Max did end up listening to the whole long story anyways because he knows I need to talk--so yeah, he's pretty great!

P.P.S: Can you sum up your day in two sentences?

Productivity vs. Procrastination

Yesterday, I had a serious case of the Sunday Blues as I contemplated this upcoming week. Lots of MEAP testing, with some very uncomfortable parent meetings thrown into the mix (three, to be exact). Usually, I can handle all the meetings that come my way. But this time? This time, I don't know what to do/what to say/how to proceed. And that makes me anxious. Also? I knew I would be coming back to pile of paperwork to take care of. Paperwork that I didn't want to deal with.

And today wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. There are a few reasons for this: 1) I'm repressing all thoughts of my upcoming meetings; and 2) some absent kids and some other circumstances gave me a free two hours in my afternoon. Now a responsible person would have used that time to tackle all of that paperwork. But not me. No, I decided that the more fun thing to do would be to watch some music videos online, to do some house shopping on craigslist, and to generally putz around my office. Maybe if I walked at the office, I would be more productive!

B is for Busy

This morning, I got an email from my new Resource Room colleague... she wrote in passing: "You're the busiest person I know." After I wrote her back and told her to interrupt me at any time should she need help or advice with anything, I got to thinking.

If there was an award for "the busiest person ever" and it came with say, one million dollars, this is what I would do:
First, I would hire a secretary to handle all of my paperwork, keep track of my meetings (or better yet, just go to my meetings!), and schedule kids. This would allow me to actually focus on teaching my students.
Then, I would hire a chef, a housekeeper, and a personal shopper to cater to my every whim. This would allow me to come home and crash on the couch!

Or... maybe I would just retire and live off the cash.... Hm.

Think Happy Thoughts

I worked a thirteen hour day (okay, eleven hours with two hours total of commute) and brought work home with me. But the good news is that I get to do my work on our brand new laptop! Yay for new toys!

Stretch Marks

Imagine a rubber band. Imagine seventeen different people pulling at different points on the rubber band. That's how I feel this week. Pretty soon, if someone's not careful, this rubber band is going to snap and poke someone in the eye....

My body knew I was way stressed out before my mind caught up with it. It's been giving me clues like sleeplessness and tummy aches and head aches after lunch. This morning right after our first IEP team meeting with the principal (which lasted 2 hours and forty-five minutes!!), two of my colleagues told me I looked like a volcano trying not to erupt--and this after much prayer on my commute for peace and calmness!!

So my task is this: to LET GO of the things that are out of my control; and to stay late after school to accomplish all that I can. This means training my brain to somehow stop worrying about what I can't change. This means sacrificing more personal time on weekdays at least until mid-October. Also, this means sleep..... If only I could push a "standby" button and sleep....

Trying to Make Lemonade

Two days, two phone calls, two opportunities to practice self-control in the panic department.

On the first day, my new colleague (the newly hired other Resource Room teacher) called me to say that she had accepted another position "closer to home" and "with better pay". I appreciate her honesty, and I surely can't blame her for choosing the higher salary, but the "closer to home" part is highly ironic: I have a 55 minute commute; she had a 10 minute commute. Hmmm....

On the second day, our dearly beloved school psychologist called to say that he was retiring. Although he was part time, he was the oil that kept our special education machine running. He will be hard to replace, not only because he was so fantastic, but because school psychologists are a RARE species in Michigan. We may very well be out of compliance soon after school starts if we don't find someone pronto.

The Waiting Game

I'm still playing the waiting game. Never mind that I'm not looking for a job, not looking for someone to call me about an interview, not waiting to hear if I've gotten the job. I'm waiting on the other side of things.

We need to hire a new Resource Room teacher for the fall. Last week, I sat in on the second round of interviews (My principal said she would sift through the 100+ applications before she called me in. Apparently her criteria was "local" and "just out of college"). Both of the candidates seemed to be very nice girls. By the end of both interviews, I felt like they would both do a good job. Then I started thinking that one would do better than the other... and the assistant principal agreed with me. She was going to check in with the principal at the end of last week and call our top choice this week. As far as I can tell, that has not happened yet.

And I'm starting to get antsy about it; after all, I'll be working very closely with whoever they hire, so I have a particular interest in seeing the right person get hired. I've snooped around and found the MySpace profile of our top choice. She had the good sense to make her profile private, but I do notice from her updates that she's been interviewing at quite a few other schools.

I wish the powers that be would get hopping on this one!!

Cause for Alarm

... and there were many today.

Cause #1: My principal comes to my office and says: "I'm just going to cut to the chase" (uh-oh) "I really value honesty" (UH-OH) "Did you put an anonymous, angry letter in my box about two weeks ago?" [WHEW! No way, that was not me at all]. Interesting discussion ensued.

Cause #2: Huge IEP (yearly meeting to determine individual goals and accommodations) scheduled for 1:00 today. It happened to be the transition IEP of this little fellow. Transition IEP's are run by the special ed. team from whatever district/school the child is coming to us from. Anyways, this one is a big deal. I got a phone call at 8:45 AM informing me that the IEP team members were at the front office, waiting for me to start the meeting. Apparently, when the other IEP team rescheduled the meeting from 1:00 to 9:00, they neglected to tell us!!

When I realize this, I am talking myself down from panic. Breathe in, breathe out. Nobody knows you're freaking out, so just pretend that you're not! Then I had to go conjure up two substitutes on the fly (so the classroom teacher and aide could attend the meeting) and pull our principal out of an awards assembly.

It all ended up working out okay; my heart stopped racing halfway into the meeting.

Cause #3: Ordered takeout from Panera Bread today. About halfway through my yummy salad, just as I am lifting the fork to my mouth, I notice HALF A LADYBUG stuck to my lettuce!! Ewwww. It would have been so much better if I had just found a whole ladybug, because where did that other half go???