Uncontrollable Hope

Back in early June, I interviewed for the only job opening in the oral deaf field in the entire state. It was for a middle school position, and I wanted to teach within my specialized field so badly that I convinced myself that I wouldn't mind teaching middle school. I did a great job at the interview over the phone (if I do say so myself), but when I found out that I didn't get the job, I didn't know whether I should cry from relief or disappointment. It takes a special person to teach middle school. I am not that person.

Since this hoopla has ended, I have made my peace with the thought of using one of my other credentials as a teacher (mental impairment or elementary general ed). I currently have over twenty applications out there... But this past week, I stumbled across another job opening in the oral deaf field (Kindergarten or preschool, not sure which)--this was big news, as there are only five oral deaf programs in this entire state (which is fortunate; some states have none), and two of them are way too far for a commute. This particular opening is in the perfect location. I sent all of my materials via express mail to meet the deadline, and emailed the director of the program. I told myself to breathe, and not get my hopes too high, but it was too late. As soon as I saw the posting, my hopes were HIGH. Higher than the clouds above.... there was no controlling it. You can't tell hopes to be realistic and to come down a little. Hopes won't listen to reason.

I thought that I had made my peace with teaching other types of kids (as opposed to deaf ones) but I suppose that this job posting has revealed my true desires. The deadline closes tomorrow afternoon, and I am HOPING and PRAYING that I get a call to interview this week. I know that the Lord is in control of everything... and I try to cling to that in the face of all of my anxiety and anticipation!