There Were None in California

Dear bugs,

Here in rural Lapeer, there is ample room for everyone. Behind our house, you will find a big barn that you are welcome to, as well as the corn fields, soybean fields, the pond, and the forest beyond that. In fact, as bugs are generally supposed to live outside, I feel that this is a more than reasonable amount of space for you to roam/fly in.

As we are being so generous in sharing our land with you, the following would be much appreciated:

1. Stop dive-bombing us on our daily walks (that's you, horseflies!)
2. Bees, stay clear of my husband
3. STAY OUT OF THE HOUSE! Buzzing around lamps, crawling on walls and window sills, and sleeping on MY pillow will result in your immediate and swift destruction

In conclusion, I believe that we will all get along fabulously if you stick to the outdoors, and adhere to the rules outlined above. If not, we will continue to use bug spray, ant traps, fly swatters and even tissue to live in peace.

Thank you.