Pee happens

I was talking with a friend of mine over the weekend who admitted to drinking at least one can of soda each day at work (she's an accountant). "The only problem," she said, "is that I have to get up and pee a lot"

To which I replied: "Hey at least you have the luxury of peeing whenever you want to!"

You know, because I'm a teacher. And we have to wait until recess or our planning period or lunch to go pee.

I have this vision of what it's like to not be a teacher: you get expense accounts, an hour or two for lunch, and you can leave your office whenever you feel like peeing. No holding it!!

Then yesterday happened.

Yesterday was the state standardized test for our fourth graders. The rules for administering the test are taken very seriously. Like you have to go to special meetings, sign papers, vow not to do ANYTHING except stand there and monitor the students. Anyways, there were many special education students (including mine) testing out in the portable (there are five or six classrooms in ours). There are extra staff available in the hall to escort children who need to use the bathroom to and from the main building. They are also available to stand in for us should any of us teachers need to use the bathroom.

I've gone through this testing stuff before with my fifth graders at the beginning of the month. But this time was different. One of the staff, upon returning from the staff bathroom (which is located in the nurse's office) reported in hushed whispers that the nurse was MAKING TALLY MARKS for each time you left your room to use the bathroom.

TALLY MARKS. I'm assuming that this sheet of paper will get handed to the principal (who undoubtedly asked for it in the first place). And what will the principal do with it? Will she write us up for insufficient bladder control? Do we have a pee-pee quota I'm not aware of? Will she confiscate the pop in the vending machines? Will she make teachers start using a hall pass?

I think I'm going to be sick. But wait, that would mean running to the bathroom, which apparently is no longer allowed...

Gold Star

I happened to catch this secret on PostSecret the other day (from the website: PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard).

Did you ever get stickers on your work when you were young? I vaguely remember receiving some. I know my fourth graders still love getting them (they're not stars though, they're Spongebob and Batman and other commercial heroes!).

Star stickers represent work well done. How often do we commend our students for their good work? How specific are we with our praise? "Good job" means a lot less than "I'm so proud of you for remembering all of your capitals and periods!"

And as we grow into adulthood, accolades seem to fade altogether. They'll come in the form of "employee of the month" or a small raise, or something. But I think we're all kids at heart, and we all like to be recognized for work well done. I know I feel good about myself when another teacher asks to borrow an idea I've had or some materials I've created.

And I certainly felt good about myself when Melissa of Me:Daily passed on this nice award to me this morning!


I'm blushing.

But nothing in life is free, and there are rules for this award! I'm going to share ten things about me, and then spread the love onto three other bloggers. Ready? Let's play.

1. I've never had highlights in my hair. I've always wanted to do it, but at the heart of me, I'm just too cheap.
2. Someday I'm going to write a novel (and you can't stop me!)
3. I have a serious addiction to ice cream.
4. I've eaten the same school lunch for two and a half years (recipe here). Yes, I still enjoy it!
5. I think it would be great fun to be a school librarian.
6. I thought Chicago was in northern California until I was in tenth grade.
7. I tend to lose Scrabble games because I'm too preoccupied with finding the most creative word instead of getting points.
8. I once held a rhinoceros beetle on my arm when we were in Costa Rica.
9. I'm fluent in French (for all the good it does me with my students' Spanish speaking parents...)
10. I was nineteen years old when I learned that gas isn't actually sold in the gas cans. Who knew?

And now I'm passing on the torch to these three lovely bloggers:

Momma May Be Mad: I'm so glad I found her! I love reading her honest and insightful look into her own life and struggles.

Life-Based Education (TeachEnEspanol): I love reading her reflections on her life in the classroom!

Anne-Marie with a Dash: a French teacher in Canada who blogs about things other than school (What? You mean teachers can have a life outside the classroom?!?)

And now that I have completed the steps for accepting this award, I'd love to see an "About me" list of ten random things about you! Post your list (or link to your blog post) in the comments section if you'd like to play along :).

"Please, sir. More, sir"

I've worked at three schools, and this one is different from any other school I've worked at for one main reason:

The teachers aren't trusted.

Just my imagination, you say? Case in point: All teachers are required to sign in and sign out on an electronic scanner that recognizes your fingerprints. Also, there is no stack of copy paper next to the copy machine; each teacher is given one ream per semester. (If you run out, too bad for you!) This means lugging around heavy paper every time you need to make copies. And the biggest inconvenience? We're not allowed to have a building key, so if you want to come in and get caught up on a Saturday, forget it! You're there to steal computers, for all they know!

If you need basic supplies for your classroom, like copy paper or printer ink, you practically have to beg the front office for it. If they deem you and your cause worthy enough, they will unlock their secret supply closet and find what you need.

Is your school this tight-fisted with supplies?

Things I've said today

"Get your feet off the chair and your head off the floor"

"Stop pretending you're in a slow motion movie"

"You can't trust pictures on the computer -- that's not really proof that aliens are real! No. Stop. I'm not having this argument in class"

"This window does not open. Hold it in or go out in hall to do that"

"You have two choices: get out of your locker, or be carried out of your locker"

Go hug a teacher

As I was eating my lunch in the lounge, I watched a young man in his twenties as he thanked two of his former teachers. It was so sweet to hear them catch up and to see what joy this encounter was bringing to my colleagues!

I've never had the experience of running into a former student. I mean, I only started teaching five years ago and so my oldest students are now finishing their eighth grade year! And I imagine that with all of the moving around we do, it might take some serious detective work to track me down! But one day I hope to have this experience. To see a student all grown up and discover what they've made of themselves. To feel at least some sense of pride and joy in the tiny part that I played in their lives.

And hopefully this desire of mine will inspire me to be a better teacher. I don't mean to be quicker at grading papers, or to get better at planning ahead of time, or to provide more opportunities for real reading and writing (not that those things aren't important!). I mean to be more intentional in my interactions with my students.

When you think back to your favorite teacher, you probably aren't going to remember what they taught you; you're going to remember that they cared about you. That they motivated, inspired, challenged, and encouraged you.

This is the heart of teaching.

There'll always be space in my heart

**Scroll down to the next post to find out who won the pocket chart!

This morning I went on a field trip with my eight fifth graders to visit their new middle school (or: Big Kid Land). Most of them will be going to a regional deaf ed program on this general ed campus.

They were all nervously excited and I enjoyed listening to their comments as we went on the tour:

"It's big!"

"So many deaf kids... I shock!"

"Hey, what that boy's name?"

"I scared. It's haunted here. I don't want to die! I'm too handsome to die!" (this student may have been a little too over-dramatic!)

The mothers of two of my fifth grade girls were along for the tour as well. And both sets of mother-eyes got B-I-G when the eighth grade boys walked into the library and made a beeline straight for my cuties. [Later, one of the girls' moms told her "No touching!" gesturing wildly to her private parts!!]

On the bus ride back, as they were all thinking about moving on to a new school next year, one of my students asked me "We'll always be in your heart, right?"

And that right there? That's why I teach.

Act One, Scene One

Me: "Who can tell me why the author wrote this? To persuade, inform, entertain, or share feelings?"

"Jerry": [farts loudly]

Class: "Ew!", "Nasty!", "Stop!", "Jerry!!"

Me: "What did I say about that? Either go out into the hall to do that or hold it in!"

Student 1: "He did it on purpose; he pushed it out!"
Student 2: "Yeah, he put down pressure!"

Jerry: [walks over to the doorway, makes sure his rear end is in the hallway, and makes a face as he farts again.]

The kicker? All of this went down during my formal observation.

Good thing my boss was laughing as hard as the kids were!

Modern day miracles

After nearly five years as a teacher, there aren't very many "firsts" left for me. But recently I found myself in the midst of quite a "first": the mother of one of my students claimed he had been miraculously cured of his deafness.

"Sean" is a fourth grader who is profoundly deaf in both ears. He wears a cochlear implant and does quite well with it (without it, he cannot hear ANY speech sounds). He is quite intelligible, bright, and friendly.

Three weeks ago, he took off his cochlear implant and declared loudly (in slightly less intelligible speech) that he could hear and he didn't need it anymore. Thinking he was just messing around, I pointed for him to put it back on and then explained that the doctor/audiologist said he must wear it to hear. He grinned sheepishly and put it back on.

Later that day, my colleague told me that she had run into his mother at church and she had told her that Sean had been miraculously healed over spring break!

Now. I believe God still does miracles. But I also believe that miracles are not the usual way that He reveals himself. So over the next few days, every time Sean had his cochlear implant off (changing batteries, or what have you), we would loudly shout his name from varying distances.

No response.

Since Sean was obediently wearing his implant at school every day, I forgot all about the issue and went on with life.

Until Friday. Friday, his mother was at school to pick Sean up and we had a conversation in the stairwell. She told me that Sean had something to tell me. He told me that he had misplaced something and then we had the ODDEST conversation with him repeating himself and never directly answering my questions.

Then his mom turned to me after he had walked away and asked me, beaming: "Did you notice anything about Sean? He had that whole conversation with you without his implant on! He's been healed! We've had a miracle!"

I was at such a loss, I think all I managed was "Oh!". Thankfully, I had to give my attention to my other students so I was off the hook.

About twenty minutes later when the final bell had rung, she came into my classroom to expand further on this miracle. Something about a prophecy and three days and some prayer. I was quiet for a minute and she said: "You look amazed!", to which I replied: "This is an amazing situation!"

I put on my warmest smile and asked as tactfully as I could if the audiologist had confirmed his new hearing. Her response? "God doesn't need an audiologist to confirm his miracles!"

True. Since there was nothing appropriate left for me to say I quickly changed the subject, and Mom left as happy as she was when she came in.

I'm not a parent, and I'm obviously not a parent of a child with special needs. But I can understand wanting your child to be healed. I don't know how long Mom is going to hold on to this miracle, but I do know it's not my place to contradict her hope.

Community

Back in 2006 (!) when I first started this blogging thing, it was mainly a way to stay connected with my family members who were scattered across the globe. It was also therapy for me to write about what goes on in my classroom (and it still is!)

But in the last year or two, I've discovered a whole network of teachers/students/parents out there who I've been able to relate to and connect with. And I've so enjoyed being a part of this larger community!

I've recently joined both the SITS girls and the Blog Frog communities, and am now officially addicted to the internet!!

Below are some links to some pretty typical posts. If you're new here, feel free to peruse. If you've been a long time follower (hi mom!), enjoy the walk down memory lane...

I blog about what it's really like to teach.

I blog about teaching children with hearing loss.

I blog about funny things my students say.

I blog about educational issues in today's society.

I blog about fun things I do in the classroom.

Oh yeah, and how could I forget about my dog and my cats?

What do you blog about?

Smooch your pooch

The sign on the local pizzeria read: "Smooch your pooch for a free large cheese pizza ... Wednesdays in April!"


What would YOU do for a free pizza?

Greatness

Things that made yesterday great:

• Leaving school early to go hang out with the hubby and the in-laws
• Getting more than six minutes to eat lunch
• Self-serve frozen yogurt with a toppings bar (I may or may not have self-served too much!!)
• Visiting a cowboy town
• Seeing a man who had trained a cat to sit on top of a dog, and a rat to sit on top of the cat
• Eating crepes for dinner, and feeling very French as we sat outside sipping Perrier
• Blue Bell's Candy Jar ice cream for dessert (What? Ice cream twice in one day!? OH YES I DID!!)

Hope your day was filled with greatness too!

Read with a tone of dripping sarcasm

Tomorrow is The Big Day for my fifth graders: it's the first day of the three days they'll spend taking the state standardized test.

To "motivate" them, we held a pep rally for an hour this afternoon (argh, gag me!).

If months of after-school tutoring didn't do the trick, then SURELY this video will help them pass!

Here comes Peter Cottontail

I had a nice surprise visit from the Easter Bunny recently. He was brown, furry, and had a cute little cotton tail. He was waiting for me outside the portables where my classroom is. It was really early in the morning, before the kids invaded the quiet. He stopped about five feet away from me and just stared as I walked closer and closer. He finally scampered away into the bushes.

 

And he didn't even bring me an Easter basket. The jerk.

 

But spring has sprung! And even though I'm not coloring eggs or hunting for hidden candy, I could always make these cotton candy cupcakes, right? Hello, sugar overload!

 

And spring means Spring Cleaning. Or at least it does when your in-laws are coming for the week. Suddenly the cat snot on the walls (thanks, Gizmo), and the dried blood spots on the patio (thanks to Barney's lost toenail recently) come into sharp focus. And the table! Our beautiful table that somehow gets buried in mounds of mail... I've got to dig it out of the clutter tomorrow!

 

And I haven't even given a thought yet as to what we'll be serving at lunch or dinner on Easter Sunday. I'm thinking that sundaes on Easter Sunday might be the most appropriate thing to serve, no?

 

 

 

Never take fashion advice from fifth graders

Last week, I wore a chunky white bead necklace and one of my fifth graders said I looked like Wilma Flintsone.

Today I wore the cutest bright green dress from Old Navy. A different fifth grader pointed at me and said: "A green leper!!!"

He meant leprechaun. But that doesn't make me feel any better.

Vocab rehab

Vocabulary is an ongoing struggle for students who are deaf or hard-of-hearing. The funniest parts of my day usually end up having something to do with vocabulary! Like these two stories...

 

1) Yesterday I had to explain what the word "insulation" meant. I gave examples and non-examples. I found a picture and projected it on the screen. I acted out what happens when you don't have it and when you do have it. I pretty much spent the better part of 5 minutes for one word.

 

About halfway through the lesson, everyone turns to look out my window because someone is riding a noisy lawn mower three feet away from us. And suddenly "Samuel" enthusiastically shouts: "I can hear the INSULATION!"

 

 

2) We're reading an excerpt from Dear Mr. Henshaw (Beverly Cleary) in our basal reader for fifth grade this week. I wanted to make sure my kiddos knew what a diary was. Fortunately, The Diary of a Wimpy Kid has become widely popular in book form and in movie form recently and several of my students are currently reading the series. So a diary was an easy concept to explain.

 

But then one of my students (and I still can't figure out if he said it on purpose) raised his hand and said: "I'm going to read Diarrhea of a Wimpy Kid". And then a girl piped up and asked me very innocently and genuinely what "diarrhea" was.

 

I glanced over at the speech pathologist who was helping out in my room. We were both trying not to laugh and trying to think of how to delicately explain diarrhea to our immature fifth graders. In the lull, some helpful students volunteered:

"It's gross!"

 

"It's nasty!"

 

"It's stinky!"

 

.... And then someone said matter-of-factly: "It's LIQUID"

 

And that's when both adults in the room finally gave in and snickered like fifth graders!

Maybe next time I'll get a barker

As of today, "Jose" is no longer in my classroom. His new teacher at his new campus in the behavioral unit is a 6'2, 253 lb black man. PERFECT.

So my fourth grade group in the morning is down from four to three. I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around this new reality. I realized that I didn't have to hold my breath and watch the door to see if my little troublemaker would stroll in late this morning. The kids were visibly relaxed and much more themselves. And. Get this... are you sitting down?... I actually got to TEACH! Yes, teach! No more chasing Jose down the hall. No more interruptions and warnings and choices and limits. No more stress over which battle to pick with him. No more putting out fires he's started with the other students. No more random meowing (yeah, he would do that when he was feeling particularly defiant. Just a high pitched meow here and there. Not that funny, really.)

I know that troublesome students will find their way back into my classroom again eventually. But for now? I'm just taking advantage of the relative peace and quiet to do some hard core teaching!!

Never mind that I thought the same thing

Yesterday, "Jose" came in and announced to my classroom: "I go to different school Monday".

Immediately, "Michael" pumped both of his fists in the air and shouted "YAY!!". And I, of course, had to strongly admonish him about being unkind and disrespectful.

"But he's always bothering me!"

Filter, Michael, filter.

Excuse me while I gloat

**Note: to fully appreciate this post, make sure you've read the one below it first!

Today, I felt fully supported (and triumphant!) as my principal and the head of the entire deaf education department sat behind closed doors to have a little chat with my two visitors from yesterday.

After ninety minutes of discussion, I was called in to join the meeting. First, our special education compliance supervisor apologized to me. Then, the behavior specialist apologized to me. (And also went on about how good their intentions were, blah blah). Oh, how nice it feels to be on the receiving end of brown-nosing!

I only have one thing to say about this whole situation, and Nelson sums it up best:

Number 5 has not been ruled out

What do you do when your behavior specialist and your special education compliance supervisor pay you an unexpected visit? What do you do when they pull you out of your classroom WHILE YOU'RE TEACHING and demand to meet right then and there? What do you do when they yell at you and personally attack you for 46 minutes (yes, I kept track)? What do you do when your behavior specialist twists facts around to make you look bad? What do you do when your special education compliance supervisor questions your training? What do you do when two "superiors" who LEGALLY have no say in a certain matter (since they are non-voting members of the IEP team) try to exert their will?

Well... when they l left and I had finally caught my breath and picked my jaw up off the floor, I was faced with a few options:

1. Call the superintendent and TELL ON THOSE MEANIES!
2. Throw something breakable.
3. File a grievance.
4. Pout.
5. Drown out the injustice in ice cream.
6. Find reassurance from my awesome colleagues that I don't deserve to be bullied.
7. Find their cars and slash their tires.
8. Feel smug knowing that I'm in the right and they can't do anything about the IEP team's decision.

What I actually did was send both of these bullies an email (and cc'd my principal):

Hello,

If you need to meet with me again at any time in the future, I will be happy to do so when you have scheduled an appointment, and with an administrator present.

Thank you.

It's unfortunate, really, that I'm a professional teacher (and a Christian one, at that!) and couldn't really do number 7. But I still might do number 3.

Eleven more weeks

There are only a few hours left of Spring Break. I feel pretty good about all I've done since we've been back from our trip:

I went out to breakfast.
I wrote in my journal.
I shopped at the thrift store.
I went to a birthday party.
I took a bubble bath when the weather turned nasty.
I spent six hours on my sewing machine.
I made some greeting cards.

There would be more to that list if I could get motivated to do something with myself today but it's like my body is feeling prematurely tired just thinking about going back to school.

This is how I'll be feeling tomorrow:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Let's postpone Monday

No, don't worry; I'm still alive. I've been on Spring Break (or "Spring Pause", really, because it's just a week after all).

We got back yesterday from a four day jaunt across some of Texas and New Mexico. It was wonderfully fantastic: we got to see some incredible sights and sled down some sand dunes; we got to drive a lot and listen to NPR; we ate ice cream for dinner three days in a row. I would upload some pictures, but frankly, I just can't be bothered right now. I am much too busy sitting on the couch, alternately watching the TV screen and the computer screen, and spending all of my energy lifting the Fig Newtons from the package to my face.

Speaking of which, I do not understand people who win the lottery and then go back to work the next day. What's up with that? I don't care who you are or what you do, when is working ever more fun than not working? This week, I have felt more happy, healthy (yes, despite the ice cream), and more ME than I have since my last break. I miss that feeling when I'm all stressed out at work with no time to do the things that make me happy.

So for the rest of the week, I'm just going to do things that make me happy and enjoy the rest of my time off. Some of those things will eventually take me outside... it's gorgeous over here: warm sun and seventy degrees! Has spring sprung where you are?

The art of persuasion

My brother has a new site called noticer where he posts links of interest. This charming letter from a third grader protesting Pluto's demotion made me smile:

Wish I had some breathmints

It was so nice of the PTA to provide dinner for us tonight, since we have to stay at school until 8 for parent teacher conferences.

 

But....

 

Eating Mexican food strong in cilantro and onions?? Not a good idea right before talking to parents face to face!

God still does miracles

YOU GUYS! DO YOU HEAR THOSE SOUNDS?

 

It's the sound of a host of angels singing "Hallelujah". It's the sound of a million people applauding. It's the sound of rainbows in my classroom and unicorns running free through the fields. It's the sound of my feet as I jump up and down with excitement.

 

Because that meeting I was telling you about in my previous post? That meeting went well. So well, in fact, that "Jose" is finally going to get the help he needs by going to a behavior unit on a different campus. He's scheduled to leave the last week in March, right after we get back from Spring Break.

 

We met with the psychologist (who is a different person than the incompetent "behavior specialist" who's been out here a few times already). She took one look at the stack of documentation I'd been keeping since September (all 24 pages!) and her eyes widened. She said most schools barely hand her two pages. She flipped through it. She went through his official file. She listened to our list of failed interventions. She formally recommended him for a behavior unit.

 

And I was so excited, it was all I could do to stop myself from peeing my pants. She even said that we should have called her directly a long time ago (but let's not focus on that: better he gets the help late rather than never). The principal even complimented me on my excellent documentation because we couldn't have made our case without it. And my colleagues asked me when we were going to go out and celebrate!

 

My face hurts from smiling.

Maybe we'll kick and scream on the floor together

Tomorrow I have a big meeting that I'm not feeling very hopeful about. I'm having an "M.D ARD" for a student. It means I'm basically having an IEP to address major behavioral concerns and determine if this is the right placement for "Jose". You may remember previous posts about Jose. I don't have very nice things to say about him which is why he's not often featured on this blog. If you want to know what he's like, imagine the most passively agressive oppositional-defiant ten year old EVER. Who walks out of your classroom if you're making him do something he doesn't like (ex: any kind of work). Who plays staff members against each other. Who bullies other kids (one set of parents is threatening legal action!). Who pushes my every button like some kind of professional button pusher. Every day with him is an exercise in self-restraint: to keep my voice calm, to stay consistent, to give choices, to not let him see how angry he makes me.

 

My colleague suggested yesterday that if you needed to break down prisoners-of-war to make them talk, it would be more effective to have them come deal with Jose than it would be to waterboard them.

 

There have been many times where I've felt like marching into the principal's office declaring: "Someone's gotta go!!! It's either him or me!!!". But I haven't. I've kept careful documentation of every single time he's been defiant and disrespectful. I've overhauled my classroom management system more than once.

 

And despite my best efforts, this is where the system fails: I can't make his two other teachers keep documentation. I've offered two or three ways they could do this (shoot me an email, and I'll document it; talk to me when I'm in your class every day, and I'll document it) but bottom line is they don't do it. And I can't make them adopt the management system I've found works "best" for him either.

 

So tomorrow when one of the district psychologists comes out to run the meeting, I have a feeling I already know what she's going to say: "Your campus hasn't been consistent in your interventions, therefore a decision about placement cannot be made at this time".

 

I sure do hope I'm wrong. But if I'm right about the outcome, I may be the one to have a melt-down instead of him this time.

Test Distress

Standardized state testing is almost upon us.

 

In Michigan, state tests are in October. Students take them: wham bam, thank you m'am. Then no one thinks about them and everyone teaches normally until the end of the year.

 

Not so here in this fine state. Our tests are spread throughout March and April and every staff meeting since August has been about improving test scores. Teachers are forced to tutor for two hours twice a week after school expressly to raise student's test scores (Oh, Teacher's Union, WHERE ART THOU?). We take practice state tests twice a year and students' scores are graphed on bulletin boards. We hold pep rallies to get kids pumped the day before test day. We promise them Happy Meals if they pass. We take them to the movies if they get commended ("commended" means an almost perfect score).

 

In everything we do and say we are communicating to our students that this test is the only important thing in their academic careers. If they fail, then they might as well have stayed home all year instead of coming to school because that state test is the only thing we want to look at for proof of progress. And the adminstration communicates to us teachers that if our students fail the state test, then WE have failed them as teachers.

 

I know the kids are feeling the pressure because my fifth graders have burst into tears when they failed the math practice test. Yesterday we graded the practice state test for reading. Most of my fifth graders did pretty well, but some sat there looking sad. So I closed my classroom door and reminded them that I don't care if they pass or fail the test: what I care about is how hard they tried. "Because 10 years down the road, you are not going to remember if you passed or failed this test. But how hard you try determines how successful you are going to be in life". I mentioned that there are other teachers who are counting down in big fat letters on the board "31 days till the test" and so on, but that I did NOT want them to worry or stress out about it.

 

As soon as I got those words out of my mouth, they all piped up. Apparently, they don't appreciate the countdowns either. One student said: "It makes me feel worried and then it's one more day and I say OH NO". One girl said: "Ms. K does that and it.... and it.... and it makes me so... IRRITATING!!"

 

There you have it. I know that state testing serves as school accountability, but shouldn't we be trying to shield our students from all of this pressure instead of passing it onto their shoulders?

 

 

Wanted: floating device

Posting may be light for a while. I'm drowning in a sea of paperwork and IEPs while simultaneously navigating the shark-infested waters that are Office Politics. I'm doing my best, but at the end of the day, whatever work isn't finished I just pretend doesn't exist. I close my eyes, plug my ears and sing LA LA LA LA THE STRESS ISN'T REAL IF I DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!!

 

Thankfully, in a little less than two weeks, I'll be able to come up out of the water and gasp for air. Spring Break will give me a while to catch my breath before going back under for the final push until June.

 

In the meantime, I'm trying to do things that make me happy... like giving Barney a new toy and watching him leap gleefully around the house with it. Or watching TV with Max. Or trying new recipes.

 

What do you do to stay happy?

Can you tell it's Monday?

Things I would rather be doing than being at work today:

• reading in bed
• watching T.V, curled up in a blanket on the couch
• looking for a different job
• shopping
• drinking something hot
• playing with the dog
• getting a root canal

A lesson in the importance of prior knowledge

Today, as I was helping out in the classroom my fourth graders mainstream into, I was again reminded of the gaps in my own education. Because I spent so many of my elementary school years in France, "commonly known" facts like Chicago is in Illinois and not northern California totally escaped me. And I found out this morning that George Washington had bad teeth, another little tidbit I was not aware of. In fact, he only had two teeth left when he became our first president! Old news to you, probably, but breaking news to me.

 

This reminds me of my junior year of high school. I was in California that year, after have spent the last four in both France and Germany. All of that summer before eleventh grade, I had nightmares that my American History teacher was going to give us a blank map of the U.S and ask us to label as much as we could. And I knew I'd flunk because I only knew where Calfifornia, Oregon, Washington, Texas, and Florida were. I mean, I had only just learned in tenth grade that Chicago is in Illinois and not northern California!!

 

So there I was in a new school, surrounded by thousands of seemingly unfriendly (and oh so American!) students. I'm sitting in Mrs. K's American History class on day one. And what does she do?? YOU SAW THIS COMING, PEOPLE! She hands us a blank map of the United States and tells us this is our first quiz: label as many states and capitols as you can. Well, it only took me about ten seconds to label the five states I knew. The rest of the time was spent staring at all that blank space in the middle and considering what to write: "States I've never heard of?", "The ones in the middle?", "States I'm not in right now?", "White space highlighting my ignorance?" The possibilities were endless. The most appealing possibility, of course, was to flee the scene... maybe hop back on that plane and fly to a place where I knew the names of all the countries surrounding me. Maybe there I wouldn't feel like such an ignoramus.

 

Thankfully, Mrs. K was a very understanding teacher and one of the best all around teachers I'd had, to boot. By the end of the school year, I could tell you where all the states were. And I could tell you some other history facts I had picked up along the way.

 

And now? Now, at 27 years old, I can tell you that George Washington had bad teeth.

 

 

And their nightmares are my fault

This week my fourth graders are reading a play from our curriculum. The play is about several fairytale characters that come together in a court of law to accuse the Big Bad Wolf.

Yesterday, when I introduced the story, I had to make sure and backtrack to see if everyone knew who The Little Red Riding Hood was and who Little Bo Peep was. As it turns out, only half of my class (that would be two students) knew the Little Red Riding Hood story and no one knew who in the world was Little Bo Peep.

So before we could get to reading the play, I had to tell the story of the Little Red Riding Hood. I sat on my teacher's stool, leaned forward, and must have entranced them with my amazing story telling abilities because after I finished, they clapped! Ha ha!

Next I had to explain who Little Bo Peep was. I pulled up the nursery rhyme on the internet (what did teachers do before the internet!??!) and started telling them all about it.

Except I had forgotten about what happens in this cautionary tale. In fact, I'm not sure I ever knew the actual story in all of its gruesomeness. And before I can even think to censor myself, I'm telling my innocent ten year-olds about how, although Little Bo Peep lost her sheep, she did find their severed tails hanging from a tree. True story.

As you may have guessed, this story didn't get applause.

Teachers are managers

**This post is inspired by a compilation of teachers

Signs you may need to a) revamp your classroom management system, or b) get a classroom management system:

1. You blame the kids for their behavior.
2. You blame the administration for your kids' behavior.
3. The only management tool you use is threats.
4. Your decisions are both arbitrary and inconsistent.
5. You scream at the kids until your face and neck turn red. (True story!)
6. You lose your voice often.
7. You don't think you're yelling, but the kids are covering their ears.
8. You tell your colleagues you're going to go work at IHOP.
9. You accuse your students of being "ghetto" -- to their faces.
10. You can't teach your lesson plans because you're too busy doing damage control.

If this sounds like you or someone you know, get help. You can start here.

After all, friends don't let friends teach mad.

In summary

A lot is going on here at school. I'm dealing with bullies, parents screaming at each other, IEPs up the wazoo, the state's standardized writing test looming, and paperwork/materials/student work piled so high on my desk that I can barely see past it.

 

It's like I've always said: Teaching is constantly trying to stay one step ahead of the game while always falling two steps behind.

 

But there are some happy things to look forward to:

1. Spring Break is in three weeks. HALLELUJIAH!
2. Going to see "New Moon" at the dollar theater tonight with a girlfriend who's just as into The Twilight Series as I am. I've been waiting forever to see this movie, and now my life will finally be complete...
3. One of my best friends is visiting in a week and bringing her six week old daughter with her. Yay!

So I'm going to think happy thoughts in an effort to prevent the stress and drama at work from swallowing me whole... Have a happy weekend, everyone!

A bit o' Barney

Instead of posting about some bully drama at school, I thought I'd share some pictures I took this afternoon. Looking at these makes me happy!


Now if I could just bottle up some of that energy and use it at school.....

Can you tell it's dinnertime right now?

I was talking about lunch yesterday with Max and he was saying something about not wanting to have a sandwich because that's what he has for lunch every day at school.

I have a homemade burrito every day at school (basic recipe here). I make them every three weeks in big batches and then freeze them. If I could, I would eat them on the weekends too, because I love them THAT MUCH. And I've been eating these for lunch for.... two years now. I had a teacher recently tell me that when she sees me, she thinks of burritos (and it makes sense since I only see her in the lounge at lunch).... which isn't a bad thing to be associated with I guess.

Anyways, it got me thinking... if you could only eat one food (or dish) for the rest of your life, what would it be?

When I lived in France, the answer would have been Oreos. Wait, maybe donuts. When I was in college, I would have said French cheese and French bread. But now? I think the answer would be cake balls!

The best Valentine's yet!

For me, Valentine's Day is never some huge romantic thing. It's mostly an excuse to get ice cream. And we did! We went to an awesome frozen yogurt place downtown...

But Max got inspired this year. First, he spent lots of time he didn't have putting up our new curtains for me. I knew he didn't want to, but he did it anyway (if that's not love, then what is?). The curtains turned out wonderfully and this picture doesn't do them justice:


Then, he made me a special treat! He made a chocolate cake (from scratch, in secret, while I was showering!), then used a cookie cutter to make them into little hearts. Then cut them in half, lengthwise and filled them with homemade butter cream frosting. See?


We've decided to call his creations "heart throbs". Here's a closeup. They were delicious!


I am a spoiled woman, I tell you. Spoiled!

A Valentine's Day Miracle!

My district is notorious for never closing due to inclement weather. I've been hearing tales of when we were the only district open in a 100 mile radius.

That's why I wasn't surprised when school was open today despite the very unusual two inches of snow on the ground this morning.

But it has continued to snow all day! The roads are covered with snow and slush... and the snow gods have smiled upon us and sent us below freezing temps overnight. So it was with tremendous joy and shock that I saw my district has already canceled school for tomorrow.

Woo hoo!

Time will tell

We woke up this morning, like many other people around the country today, to snow outside!

Except, instead of two or three feet, it was more like one to three inches. But down here, that is a Big Deal. Sadly, it's not enough of a big deal to cancel school today, but my husband's college campus is closed so at least he's happy!

When we opened the backdoor to let Barney out to pee, he started to run out into the snow, but then he stopped and was like: "Oh noesies! My toesies!" and promptly came back into the house.
I took him on a walk anyway, though, and by that time, he had remembered all the wonderful snow he used to play in at Christmastime in Michigan. Then it was all leaping and bouncing and shoving it in his mouth.... I wonder if my students will feel the same way about it once I get to school this morning?

On the lighter side of things

Our speech/language pathologist told me about an incident that happened to her just last week.

She was helping out in the cafeteria, and "Ashley", one our deaf ed second graders, asked her if she was wearing a wig. "No, this is my real hair!", she insisted. So, being naturally inquisitive, Ashley asked: "So... why you have yellow hair but brown on top?"

Hehe. "Because I color it!"

" .... With markers or crayons?"

A case of mistaken identity

My colleague teaches deaf education for the second and third graders in the classroom next to mine. She asked one of her darlings ("Charity") what she did over the weekend.

"I go to church!" she said.

"And what did you learn at church?" the teacher prompted.

"I learned about Jesus!" Charity replied.

"And where does Jesus live?"

"Right here in town!" Charity said proudly.

"Oh really? And what does Jesus drive?"

"A jeep. A BLUE jeep!!"

And as it turns out, Charity's pastor is Jesus.

Going down in flames

Yesterday, we had a practice fire drill. Two things bothered me about this:

1. It was 29 degrees outside. Why couldn't they have waited for a warmer day?!!?
2. The fire drill doesn't go off in the portables.

Yes, you heard that right. The portables that I teach in -- the portables with three classrooms full of DEAF KIDS -- aren't connected to the fire drill. Each room even has a bright red bulb above the doorway, and the blinking red light didn't even go off during the fire drill!

So the only chance we have to save ourselves from a fire is if we glance out the tiny window and happen to notice a mass exodus of kids and teachers onto the field.

Umm... hello, Liability. We haven't met before, but we may soon become very well acquainted.

I expressed my concern with the powers that be and I was informed that this was a problem for all the portables in our district and that our deaf-ed portables are somewhere on the list to be fixed.

Oh good. Let's just hope there's not a real fire before now and the time they get to "somewhere on the list".

Costco wins again

Here is the latest addition to our home:


A fade-free, stain-free 7x10 ft rug we got for $99 at Costco (where else?). It sure does make our living room and dining area look so much cozier!

Also? This is the fifth item of furniture/home decor we have bought from there! They should really start paying us for all the good press we give them....

I don't teach no stinkin' fifth graders!

Andrew raises his hand. "Mrs. B? I can't breathe."

"Why not?", I prompt.

"Because of Ricky" he informs me.

Suddenly, I can smell Ricky too. And what did Ricky have to say for himself? "There's a skunk in my pocket."

Born in 1982, not 1882

I was introducing new vocabulary to my fifth graders recently. One new word was "invention". I had to explain what it was and I used a few examples before turning to the light switch. "Someone invented electric lights", I said, "Before we had electric lights, we had to use candles!"

 

Then one kid in the back asked me in all earnestness: "Mrs. B, was there light when you were little??"

 

I think I may have just sprouted a few more gray hairs....

You know you teach in the inner city when...

Many of you will remember that a while ago, I started a token reward system for my students. They can earn tokens by showing good learning behavior: raise your hand, read quietly, bottom on your chair, follow directions the first time, etc. I open up my "store" every day for them, and their tokens are kept in a small basket velcroed to the front of their desks.

 

Today, as we were transitioning between classrooms, I looked up from my desk to see "James" standing with his hands in the air protesting "I don't take none you tokens" while "Michael" FRISKED him. Literally patting him on his sides up and down to check if James had swiped any of his tokens!

 

I feel safer just knowing Michael is in my classroom...

.....Or brussel sprouts

A little tip on rewarding your students for hard work:

Choose a food item that you yourself enjoy. That way when you scarf down two ice cream sandwiches in one sitting, you can say you are just cleaning up the leftovers!

Another little tip:

Choose a food item that makes you want to barf if you are trying to stay healthy... that way you won't be tempted to eat all the leftovers. In retrospect, I should have rewarded my students with some Beanboozled Jelly Beans.

Introducing...

The kick-butt leather boots I was talking about in my previous post:


What you can't see in the picture is that I am madly in love with them!

Conclusion: need more vacation time

Things I did:

1. Got a new dryer
2. Spent Christmas money at Old Navy (one dress and three skirts for ten bucks total!!!)
3. Got the oil changed
4. Ran errands at Walmart
5. Ate lunch at Chick-Fil-A
6. Went to church
7. Watched Barney run off some steam at the dog park
8. Worked out
9. Cleaned the house
10. Spent more money at the mall
11. Bought kick-butt knee high leather boots from the thrift store
12. Watched the Best Movie of All Time ("Mansfield Park", the 1999 version)
13. Ate chili and homemade bread (thanks, Max!)

Things I meant to do, but never ended up happening:

1. Blog
2. Write in my old-fashioned journal
3. Sew some baby leg-warmers
4. Organize my closet
5. Clean/organize my craft area
6. Make biscotti

Can't we all just eat ice cream?

As you can see from the comments on my previous post, I have some amazingly creative readers! I was thinking more about fantastic classroom inventions this week because the kids have been taking their second round of benchmarks. (Benchmark tests are for the district). I wish I had a button that made all tests disappear. In the words of my husband: "They're testing AGAIN!?"

 

As teachers, we want our students to do their best. But I have issues with rewarding kids by how well they do on tests. And maybe this is just because I'm coming at it from a special education perspective... you know, what about those kids who try their hardest but still miss the mark? What about the kid with severe test anxiety? What about the kid who is just having an awful time at home right now? That's why I had to try not to cringe when the teachers in the lounge were talking about how they were "motivating" their students to do their best on the benchmark tests. One teacher told her students that she'll be making ice cream sundaes for kids who get 90 and above while all the other students just watch. Last year, for the state test, they promised a McDonald's Happy Meal for all the students who passed! One teacher told us that he was so depressed about how his kids did on the math benchmarks yesterday, that he ate every single cookie he had promised them as a reward IN FRONT OF THEM. Meanwhile, I'm trying not to choke on my lunch burrito.

 

These teachers happen to be very good and very caring teachers. I just don't understand what happens to common sense when testing comes around! But maybe I'm the one who is wrong here. Should I be throwing ice cream parties for the kids who passed? Do potentially better test results justify the means? What is your take on bribing (ahem, rewarding) for tests?

Things I would pay thousands of dollars for

Here are some inventions that I really think every modern classroom needs:

1. Pencils that come with a very small microchip inside that would beep VERY loud when a student walks out of your classroom with it. (My teacher pencils keep disappearing!! How hard is it for students to remember to bring a pencil with them to school every day?)

2. Something like an "easy" button that, when pressed, would automatically generate the next week's lesson plans. I'd fork over a lot of cash for that one...

3. Expo dry-erase markers that never run out of ink.

4. Another button that, when pressed, cancels every before and after school meeting of any given day.

5. An anti-stress invisible shield that, when activated, prevents any one from dumping any more responsibility on you. Emails would never reach your inbox. Memos would disappear from your mailbox. Administrators would talk to you but you wouldn't be able to hear a sound.

6. A fast forward button that would instantly take you to June!!

Did I miss any?

The New Year's Resolution of the Century

Yesterday was my first day back at work. It was a really nice transition because it was an all day professional development meeting! But being back at school, back in my classroom, back behind my desk... let's just say I was really missing Vacation. I was also dreading the return of a particular problem-child in my fourth grade class. You know, the one who's so flippantly defiant all the time, who saunters out of my classroom and off school grounds when he doesn't feel like following directions, who isn't above hitting or kicking others when he wants his way. Yeah, that kid. I was kinda hoping he had moved out of town. I was especially nervous about how he would do today on his first day back.

 

But he came back! And he managed to keep it together all morning! In fact, he even came up to me and said very earnestly:

 

"I not going to be crazy no more. I don't hit nobody!"

 

Yeah, I'll toast to that!!!

Highlights of the decade

Lots has happened since 2000. On this day ten years ago, I was sitting in a faluka (a type of boat) in the Nile River in Cairo, Egypt, celebrating the year 2000 with my good friend and her family!

Since then, I:

• went to college (and graduated!!)
• got married
• moved to California for two years
• entered the workforce
• moved to Michigan for two years
• adopted three cats
• went on a few European vacations (thanks, mom and dad!)
• moved down south
  
• bought our first house
• adopted our first dog

The last four items happened in 2009 alone!! It's been a busy year, and a good year. And it's been a fantastic decade!

In the next decade, I'd like to check off a few more items from my Life List. Particularly number 11. What will you do?

This Christmas (Pop) ROCKS!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Was Santa generous this year? Were you able to spend time with friends and family (even if it was just over the phone)?

We've had a fun-filled day on the family farm. I got Pop Rocks in my stocking, because Santa remembered that I'm a child of the 80's and 90's and knows my tastebuds like to reminisce! And the Pop Rocks reminded me of my students.

I know, I know; I'm not supposed to be thinking about my students on Christmas break, but I just couldn't help myself! I was remembering the time that "Michael" was spending his fake-money-for-good-behavior at my classroom store. I had recently included some Pop Rocks I had gotten at the dollar store, and Michael asked me what they were. Child!! Do you not know the abject joy of Pop Rocks!? Buy them now because they will change your life!

So he did! And before I could stop him, he had opened the package and dumped THE ENTIRE CONTENTS into his mouth. And he closed his mouth over it all, then he opened his eyes as wide as saucers, and started to jump up and down with the Pop Rocks....

I hope you all (y'all!!) had a Pop Rockin' Christmas this year!

I said yes

Vacation is FINALLY here and after 23 hours of driving, we are FINALLY back in Michigan. Life is good. The house is all decked out for Christmas and I've been enjoying the warm fireplace. Barney thinks that the family farm is an amusement park specifically designed for him! He requested that we stay on vacation here forever.

Dr. Seuss would be proud! Or maybe confused.

Today, after reading "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", I had both classes write a letter to the Grinch to convince him that he should love Christmas instead of hate it.

 

Here's what my 4th and 5th graders came up with (spelling and language mistakes and all!):

Dear Grinch,

Why do you hate Christam? You should love Christam becuse you like to read book how about you don't keep childen prens't  For Chirstam. I want you to be happy.

From,

Martha

 

 

Dear Grinch,

Did you like Christmas after you change your mind. I love Christmas when I was litte. I still like it right now. You should like Christmas because Christmas is about love with familys and friends. Grinch, Merry Christmas.

From,

John

 

 

Dear Grinch,

You should like Christmas becas it is so butyfull. You should like cristmas becoues it is a famly thing. You suold lik cristmas becaus you get present. You should love Cristmas you have frend. You should love cristmas becaus you get wat you want.

From,

Jose

 

(And my personal favorite):

Dear Grinch,

Grinch, Christmas is a hopefull holiday and helpful. It wants to let you know that its not about the presents it about the love and joy. It's not about steling Christmas its about enjoying Christmas. So just like Christmas not hate it. Stop hating it and continued with life.

From,

Andrew

Christmas Slacking

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Only five days left until Christmas vacation!! Is anyone doing anything educational in their classrooms this week? Because my handwritten plans fit onto a post-it note (literally!). I'll break it down for you:

Monday: field trip
Tuesday: How the Grinch Stole Christmas with related activities
Wednesday: The Polar Express with related acitivities
Thursday: Santa's workshop (Christmas themed centers!)
Friday: Christmas party

Yep! Then it's off to Michigan to spend the holidays with family :)

Maybe I'll get another teacher aide!

"It is very SUPER cold."

 

That was a statement from one of my fourth graders this morning as we walked from the main building out to my portable. His assessment was quite accurate: 23 degrees this morning. In TEXAS! And it's hovered in the thirties for the past two weeks. Normally, I wouldn't really care too much about the temperature (unless we're talking about the possiblity of a snow day, then that's all I care about!). But for the past three weeks, the heat has been broken in my half of the portable (there are six classrooms in our portable and I was one of the two with no heat). Which means that I've been teaching with my coat and scarf on all day, every day. And I need the use of my hands to teach so I couldn't wear gloves and you can just imagine how five popsicles attached to a palm feel like.

 

Almost every day, my colleague next door and I would ask our janitor how the progress was going. He would always mumble something about how he had put in the work order and was waiting on the district people to come out. Well yesterday, my colleague had just HAD it and threatened that unless he did something she was going to call the superintendent!! There were three men out working on the problem by 8:30 that morning. By 3:00 that afternoon, the heat finally kicked on (OH BLESSED SOUND!!).

 

What I want to know is, what else can I get done around here by threatening to call the superintendent?

It gets cold down south too!

It's exciting that we finally live in the kind of place where neighbors bring over baked goods for no other reason than that they had extra. And offer to babysit your cats. And let you borrow their lawn equipment. And most the most recent perk? Christmas goodies! One set of neighbors dropped off a poinsettia plant and a delicious variety of homemade cookies all in Martha Stewart packaging!

Of course, this means we should reciprocate in kind. After scouring the internet for my favorite craft inspirations, I came up with this:

Peppermint cocoa mix and peppermint stirrers

And after a few hours shopping for ingredients and putting it all together, it came out like this:


Next up? Christmas activities with my students!!

Snow Show

It was cold this morning. As I dropped my parents off at the airport before school, my dad said it couldn't be THAT cold because he didn't feel cold (I was, though!!). Once I pulled up to the school and got inside, large white snowflakes were falling fast and furiously.

 

My fourth graders were waiting for me to pick them up in the auditorium. As they walked outside to get into our portable, they saw all that snow falling... One student said: "OH MY GOSH! It's got a lot of snowflakes out here!!" We settled into the classroom but all these Texas kids could think about was the snow outside--it was even sticking!!

 

So, being the good teacher that I am, I ditched my lesson plans, bundled up the kids and ran outside to go Experience the Snow. Everyone had a jolly ol' time romping around in the quarter inch of snow (a few other classes had come out as well) for about fifteen minutes... trying to catch snowflakes on their tongues, making snowballs without gloves, and wishing there was enough to make a snowman. Eventually, though, the kids realized they were cold and wet. One of my students said (all haunched over into his coat and wincing with the coldness of it all): "Let's get outta here". So we did.

 

Unfortunately, the heat in our side of the portable is broken so we didn't get the warmest welcome back inside. The kids made a big deal of blowing into their hands, drying off their faces, and declaring their hands too cold to hold a pencil.

 

Yeah, I'm too cold to do any work today either--let's all go home!! :)

Red and yellow, black, and white...

Nothing noteworthy happened today at school, so I will relay a story from about a month ago. I would have related it at the time but I was too busy railing against my job back then to be in the mood.

So we were reading a story called "Sees Behind Trees" about a Native American boy who can hardly see but needs to prove himself with a bow and arrow in order to become a man. Before reading any story, I start by tapping prior knowledge and building background. I didn't get very far before I realized my 8 fifth graders didn't know what "Native American" was.

At that point, I realized I had to define and give examples of "race". (I have two African American students, five Hispanic students, and one Caucasian student). So I gave examples using my students because they already know what "African American" is and what "Hispanic" is. I also said that different races and cultures are known for different things. Like Asians eat a lot of rice. And Hispanics eat a lot of tortillas. And... before I could go any further, an African American girl piped up in the back with "I LIKE FRIED CHICKEN!"

But it gets better, folks. I was pointing out which students were what (you know, to make sure everyone knew what "race" is. You can never be too explicit when you're dealing with kids with language impairments!). And I said: "Alice and Martha are African American. Jose, Norma, Gabriel, Luis, and Roberto are Hispanic". Then before I could say another word, my one Caucasian kid shouts out: "WHAT AM I? I know, I'm WHITE". And I said "White isn't really a race."

Then, he ventured: "....French?"

And I am

My school district has this "incentive" where, if you take two professional development days during the summer or the school year, they would let you have the Monday and Tuesday off before Thanksgiving (the kids are off all week). I heard about this deal, but I wasn't in Texas over the summer, so.... I sacrificed two entire Saturdays to sitting through awful professional development sessions. I remember both times thinking it was such torture to work a six day week. But I knew that Future Sarah was going to be soooooo happy come the week of Thanksgiving!!

Stinky =

8 fifth graders crammed into a small room with one window that DOESN'T OPEN!

It may be time to have a discussion about proper hygiene.....

Note to self: close all doors

Today was Day One of Barney's new living arrangements. Over the weekend, we furnished our guest room in preparation for my parents' arrival for Thanksgiving next week. That meant that it was no longer this nice empty space for Barney to roam around in during the work day (we put up a baby gate in the doorway since we don't have a door there yet).

So today we decided to let him loose in the house while we were gone for work. We still put up the baby gate so he couldn't get IN to the guest room, then we scattered his toys, bed, water dish, and pee towel across the living room.

Imagine my surprise when I got home from work, totally expecting to see an excited puppy greeting me at the door, and instead am mobbed by three hungry cats! "Barneeeey!". No answer. (Where did he go?). "BARNEEEEEY!!". And then I heard a whimper from the other side of the house.

I walked down the hall and sure enough, the doof had gotten himself shut into the office. I opened the office door to be greeted by a leaping dog, and I looked past him see the wreckage he had left in his wake: a river of pee flowing from a chewed up Intro Psych textbook, and a two-inch gash where he stripped the black bookshelf of its wood.

I have no idea how long he had been stuck in the office. I have no idea HOW he got himself stuck in the office. Was it for some alone time? Was he trying to preen in the full length mirror on the back of the door? Or was this some evil scheme on the cats' part?

I guess we'll never know....

I say the same thing every time I go to the mall

As my fourth graders prepare for store, they take inventory of all the tokens they've earned for good behavior. I have one particular student who absolutely cannot concentrate on counting when others are counting around him. "STOP TALKING", he'll insist, as he himself continues to count out loud. Finally today I said: "Hon, just take off your hearing aids if you need it quiet to count". He was happy to tear them off.

 

Looking back, it may not have been the smartest thing to call his attention to the fact that he can selectively hear whenever he wants, but for today, it stopped the whining, and that was really all that mattered.

 

This same student had twenty-five tokens and took a lot of time deliberating over what prize he was going to buy at my "store". He thought through a few scenarios, working out the subtraction on the board to see how many tokens he would have left if he bought x or y or z. He finally settled on two pieces of candy, but walked away afterwards declaring: "I will spend no more and I am NOT kidding".

Musical intelligence in action

We were reading about the Iditarod Race, held in Alaska every year. We came across the word "champion", and because students who are deaf/hard-of-hearing usually have vocabulary difficulties, I stopped to see if anyone knew what that word meant.

"Does anyone know what 'champion' means?"
(No one did).

In a fit of inspiration, I sang this line (hamming it up, as I usually like to do): "Weee are the champions, my frieeeeeends....."

Eight faces stared at me blankly, some clearly confused as to why their teacher had just broken into song. There was deadpan silence for about two seconds.

Then, from the back, one of my fifth graders stated matter-of-factly: "Queen"

Ahhhh, there is hope for this generation after all!!

Tactful Ultimatum

As you may or may not have noticed, I'm unhappy with my latest job assignment. I've been having a rough time of it since the beginning of the year, in fact. But I kept telling myself: "Sarah, it's just because you're in a new school in a new state. Things will get better soon". Then I would put my big girl panties on and try to get the job done without a breakdown.

Well, we're almost into week 12 and, while some procedural things have gotten easier, the bulk of my job has gotten harder (this may have something to do with the fact that for every new meeting I go to, I discover another set of paperwork to fill out!). I could give you a laundry list of why this teaching assignment is too hard for me, but I'll sum it up this way: I'm teaching 14 students while each of my deaf ed. colleagues is only teaching 5. Oh, and I have three out of the four "difficult behavior" students in the program, and two out of the three "impossible" parents.

 

Last week was a particular nightmare with some major behavior issues, a meeting EVERY SINGLE day after school, and a parent who yelled my ear off for a good fifteen minutes on Friday afternoon. So (after all of the sobbing stopped), I felt completely justified when I started job hunting again this weekend. I even replied to a job posting! (The fact that I would be willing to leave this school mid-year should tell you something about how difficult and stressful this job has been.)

 

On Monday, one of my co-workers encouraged me to talk to the Deaf ed. administrators about this situation. So I did. I was very tactful and polite but I explained that I was being stressed too thin and that it was ultimately my students who were suffering. She was very understanding and concerned that I would quit before June, and she promised she would collaborate with the other deaf ed. administrators to see what could be done to help me.

 

I don't like quitting and I don't like this feeling of perpetual, overwhelming stress, so I hope to goodness that someone can do something!!

Touche

Yesterday, as I led my students into class, I was asking them if they had a good Halloween. The first two students replied enthusiastically (Yes I did! I got so much candy! etc). The third student said: "I did not go to Halloween". I prodded: "Why? Why not?". He just kept repeating over and over again: "I did not go to Halloween". Finally, after I kept pushing him for an explanation, he stated: "Because Jesus does not even like Halloween!"

 

Oh.

 

At least his dad gave him a bag of candy as a consolation prize!

Teachers Anonymous

(you know, instead of AA)

We would all sit in a circle, then one by one we would introduce ourselves: "Hi, my name is Sarah. I'm a teacher and my best is never good enough."

Then we'd all go out for drinks and laugh about our kids and cry about our administration.

After that, we'd fall asleep promptly at 7:30 from sheer exhaustion...

Fool me once...

Students are reading quietly (or, as "quietly" as is possible for fifth graders). "Logan" comes to my desk to ask this question: "Can I go to the bathroom 'cause I need to throw up".

 

What?!?

 

"Can I go to the bathroom 'cause I need to throw up?"

 

It was such an odd request and totally threw me off guard, so I said... "Okaaaaaayyyyy"

 

Then he turned around, walked out my door, and started skipping and jumping down the hallway.

 

Next thing you know, I'm half-yelling down the hall: "WAIT JUST A MINUTE, GET BACK HERE, YOU'RE NOT SICK!!!!!!!!!!"

 

Obviously no one has taught this boy how to fake it......

He forgets I'm untenured

Every weekend, I do my lesson planning for the week ahead. It's extra time consuming because my principal wants me to submit my lesson plans on this special form. The form and the way it's set up is completely counter-intuitive and is in no way helpful in actually implementing my plans. If a substitute came in and was handed my week's lesson plans on the principal's form, she might say something like: "Oooh, that's a pretty form!! Now what should I do with the students?"

So, like most of the other teachers at my school, I end up having to make two sets of lesson plans: one to appease my principal, and one that I can actually follow. Double the work!

Ten minutes ago, I finished MY set of lesson plans. I was about to go to the computer and fill out the principal's set of plans when my husband suggested that instead of tediously filling out all those boxes, I just write: "See diploma. See resume"

Because I do know what I'm doing, after all.

Plan B: Quit

Remember when I said that no token system is going to stand against a chemical imbalance in the brain? 'Member? There is just no defense but to brace yourself against the wrath and fury that is sure to be unleashed when that One Student walks into class with murder in his eyes...

"Jose" is that One Student on my caseload. He's had trouble regulating his emotions since preschool and is frequently defiant (but maddeningly passive aggressive about it!), avoids any kind of work, is verbally and physically aggressive, and loves to engage adults in power struggles.

As far as I can tell, the staff that have worked with him have been great: documenting what goes on, involving the parent, enforcing consequences to the best of their ability, trying 101 strategies to find one that works, writing Behavior Plans and Functional Behavior Assessments up the wazoo, and calling the behavior specialists when they are out of ideas.

Unfortunately, the behavior specialist assigned to our school is less of a behavior specialist and more of a Professional-Documenter-and-Boss-of-the-World.

I had my first interaction with her last week and she was quite rude. She asked me what had been going on with Jose since the beginning of the year. I tried to tell her, but PDBW kept interrupting me to berate me for behavior documentation done last year that wasn't on the CORRECT FORM. Last year, you know, when I was in Michigan and not in this state. And the form!!! If we document on the incorrect form the world will stop turning!!!

After SEVERAL interruptions to my answer, I started to get pretty ticked. First of all, listen to the answer to your question, or don't ask the question in the first place! Secondly, I shouldn't have to feel defensive when I'm doing all the right things!

Trying my best to keep the anger out of my face, I succeeded in being respectfully assertive. I started with "LOOK..." then talked very quickly to get out what needed to be said.

I ended my mini-speech talking about appropriate placement: his primary disability is no longer his hearing impairment, it's his emotional impairment. She responded by saying that she didn't want to put him in a behavioral unit because he was just going to get worse.

And she may think that she has the authority to single-handedly decide the placement for a student, but she has another thing coming.

My plan? Document (on the CORRECT FORM) the heck out of every misbehavior, then call an IEP meeting where the IEP team will make a decision about Jose's placement in a behavioral unit based on our data.

If that doesn't work....

Good luck to me!!!

After weeks of looking, we finally settled on a dining room table we were happy with. Max spent lots of time putting it together for me... and now we can finally have people over for dinner!!

Here are some different views from which you can ooh and ahh over it:


Do you see those two shelves underneath? They're really to store stuff or display stuff, but our cats think it's a place for them to lounge! We've been zealous with the water spray bottle....

Anyways, I am lusting over FLOR rugs--I would really love to put one under the table to soften the space up a bit! But since we're trying to be careful with money right now, my best bet in getting one of these incredible rugs is to win one!

So I've entered two different "giveaways" in the hope that my comment will be randomly selected to win a free FLOR rug!! You can enter to win one of your very own here, and here!

Keep your fingers crossed!

Living Proof

Today was Junior Achievement Day at school. Local business people came from a nearby national bank to every classroom and did five to six activities designed to teach kids about how business works, etc. Teachers were told over the speaker system to sit in their classrooms and catch up on paperwork while the business people taught the class. It was an all day affair, and I'm sure for some of the business people, the Longest Day of Their Lives.

 

Watching them in action reminded me of the No Child Left Behind legislation that mandates that all teachers need to be "highly qualified" in their content area in order to teach it. So if you've been teaching science for twenty years, but you don't have the science endorsement on your teaching certificate, you must either get the endorsement or get another job. This has been causing headaches for special ed teachers at the high school level; suddenly you can't teach your students with severe learning disabilities in a self contained room all day unless you are endorsed for English, Science, Math, and Social Studies. And no one gets endorsed in each subject area! So there are some problems with this.

 

My BIGGEST beef is with the underlying principle of "highly qualified": it assumes that in order to be an effective teacher, you simply need to be an expert in your content area. When in reality (not that I recommend this) you just need to stay a chapter ahead of the kids. So... no, no, NO! A highly qualified teacher should be someone who can take any subject area and construct an engaging lesson, utilizing effective classroom management techniques; it should be someone who knows how to use assessment to drive instruction and is an expert in educational psychology and methodology.

 

My point was made painfully clear watching these very highly qualified business experts flounder in the classrooms. I don't care who you are or how smart you are, if you don't have a quiet signal, you're screwed!

Or maybe just a seatbelt

Throughout testing (a week of district testing last week and now a whole week of state testing--the TAKS -M- field test), my token economy continues to work its magic.

HOWEVER. I have found that it cannot overcome certain issues. I have one fourth grader who is severely ADHD (never seen anything like it in 4+ years of special ed!!). And though he loves those tokens and he loves buying stuff at my store, no amount of bribery can overcome a chemical imbalance like the one he had last Wednesday when grandma forgot to give him his meds.

In fact, every morning it's like a bit of a gamble. I think to myself: Is he on his meds today? Will he be, or won't he? And then at 7:55 when I go pick up my motley crew from the playground, I can tell immediately from a long way off what kind of day he's going to have. If he hasn't had his meds, he walks with a pronounced swagger and bobs his head up and down and calls out props to imaginary peeps. Meanwhile, the real "peeps" are usually avoiding him and telling him to STOP being SO annoying! But if he has had his meds, he walks like any regular little boy and is generally quieter and in control of himself.

Then some days he has had his medication, but just very recently and it hasn't started to take effect yet. On those days, this is my life:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

And then I think to myself: does the Tie Chair come in a Size Fourth-Grade?

He's 9, not 517

All week we've been doing benchmark tests, which are a district assessment. Most of my kids get the test read aloud to them as an accommodation (except the reading test, of course), so it's been pretty tedious. This morning was the Social Studies' test. In Texas, like most other states to be sure, Social Studies gets kind of lost and forgotten during the day because of the rigorous demands of the Math and Language Arts curriculum. So I didn't exactly know how my kids would do.

 

Sure enough, the very first question said something like: "In 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail in search for: _______" and there were choices A, B, C, D. I read the question. I read the answers. Then one of my students raised his hand and, in total bewilderment, said: "But how do I know? This long time ago. I only born 2000 !!!!!!!!"

 

Yes, indeed. Maybe that one shouldn't count ...

A lesson in Economics

Well I can safely say that the new Token System.... works!!! I hope it will last and that blogging about it won't jinx anything, but so far so good ;).

I explained to the kids which behaviors get tokens. I pulled out each item from my store and made a huge deal about it (the students complied by oohing and ahhing). I added that they could save up for something big-- 200 points for an extra recess one day!-- or a movie at lunch! And each child promptly declared they were going to save up for something big.

And then for the next 2 hours that I had them they were total and complete angels. I mean, it was mind-blowing. I was like "who are you and what have you done with my awful, awful students?". I opened the store at 10:40 (right before they go back to their general ed classrooms) and gave them all an opportunity to spend their tokens--they had each gotten about 20-25.

Despite their good intentions of saving their tokens, they all broke down and bought something. Someone bought a miniature slinky. Someone bought a mechanical pencil. Someone bought a spinning top. "Brandon" was the one who bought the top. After I put the store away, Brandon was fingering his new toy while everyone packed up to go to their next class. He asked me: "What this do again?"

I spun the top around on the desk to show him. He watched it spin, looking at it doubtfully. Then he said: "Can I have my tokens back?"

Buyer's remorse! I had pity on him and gave him his tokens back. Within the next three minutes, my other kiddos wanted their tokens back too--I guess they changed their mind about saving for something big!